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Looking back, I still find it hard to believe that this happened to me.
It seems very surreal, like a dream. When I look at our baby, Saffron,
she isn't the same one that came into the world that night, calm and
looking around, taking in her new surroundings. When I look at my wife,
she looks like she always did. I find it hard to imagine she is the same
person who gave birth that night. Even when I look at photos of her
pregnant it seems strange, so unnatural seeing her with a huge stomach.
What
made it even stranger was the fact that it came out of the blue. We
weren't expecting Saffron to be born until at least the start of August.
In fact, Rebecca was worried that Saffron might be born on her birthday,
August 15, as everybody we spoke to, anything we read, said that first
babies were always late.
So as
I sat at my desk drinking coffee, trying to motivate myself out of the
post-lunch energy dip, the last thing I expected was that phone
call.
"My waters have broken."
Hang
on a minute, I thought. It's only the 19th July. We've got
another two weeks at least. Maybe there's some mistake and she's got it
wrong?
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, definitely."
"Are you ok?"
"Yes,
fine. I've called Tania and she says it's fine if I want to labour at
home."
"Do you want me to come home?"
"No,
stay at work. I'll call you and keep you updated."
"Ok, bye, love you."
Rebecca sounded calm. That's good, I thought. My biggest fear was that
she was going to go hysterical. I knew her reaction, or perhaps more
accurately overreaction, when she stubbed her toe was to howl with pain,
assume it was broken and required immediate medical attention. God only
knows what she was going to be like giving birth. But she seemed to be
ok. She was very keen on having a doula support her through birth. Maybe
this was what was keeping her so calm.
The
same couldn't be said for me. My stomach felt very weak all of a sudden.
The coffee appeared to be having a decidedly laxative effect and I had
to take an emergency trip to the bathroom.
Having
recovered my composure somewhat, I felt I could carry on working. My job
that afternoon was to tie up a few loose ends on a project – no problem.
Half an hour after the phone call and my mind clearly wasn't on the job.
Client: "But I'm uncomfortable with aspect A,B,C etc…"
What I
said: "I've already covered this on a number of occasions with your
boss, Mr X, and he's happy with it."
What I
thought: Look you idiot, my wife's having a baby. I've got much more
important things to worry about than this tripe.
At
that moment, the phone bleeped - another call. Home.
To the
client: "Can you hold on, I've got a call on the other line."
"Rebecca?"
"There's nothing to worry about but…"
Sh*t!
That means there's definitely something to worry about. Oh God!
"There's nothing to worry about, but I spoke to the doctor and he said I
should go into Thomson just as a precautionary measure, to get the
baby's heart monitored."
"Do you want me to come home?"
"No, meet me there."
To the
client: "Sorry, something's come up. I'll call you back." Slam. Funnily
enough, I never did, but everything seemed to be ok anyway. Maybe
there's a lesson there somewhere!
I flew
out of the office. "Gotta go, my wife's gone into labour."
Then I
was gone… Jumping in a taxi. Thank God I live in Singapore. I couldn't
imagine doing this in London and having to go on the tube in an
emergency. As soon as we turned out of Suntec the taxi got stuck in a
wall of traffic. Bloody Singapore, always so much traffic. As we inched
along my blood pressure was rising. I'm gonna be late. Rebecca's never
going to forgive me.
When I
got there, Rebecca was a vision of calm. I felt a lot better. If she's
ok, I'm ok. I don't have to give birth.
Rebecca had the baby's heartbeat monitored. Everything seemed ok. The
contractions seemed very close together, but not very intense. We were
assured she was in early labour and went home.
In the
taxi, Rebecca started complaining more and more intensely about the
pain. You think it's bad now? You just wait my girl, I thought. There
could be another 20 hours of this. Obviously I tried to reassure.
As
soon as we got home Rebecca started howling with pain. I cooked some
food for her and looked for what sort of massage I could do. All the
techniques for early labour massage didn't really cut the mustard. In
fact, all I got was a torrent of abuse. I knew I should have been ready
for it, but in all honesty I wasn't. I felt as if I was trying my best
but that wasn't good enough. Of course I don't understand and I'm not
pregnant and I don't know what it's like, but I'm trying my best. Give
me a break.
Rebecca spoke to Tania from her sanctuary in the toilet. I don't know
what about, but it seemed to calm Rebecca down. The next few minutes
were a blur. I know there was a lot of moaning, I know that Rebecca was
on the phone to Tania again and then I was calling a taxi. We were going
back to Thomson. So much for all this stuff they'd said in the
ante-natal classes about it's better to labour for as long as possible
at home as it's more comfortable. Rebecca had bought into that. Now
Rebecca wanted a taxi. A Mercedes taxi. Fair enough. I couldn't get
one. We got Comfort.
The
taxi driver seemed ok with Rebecca grabbing onto the back of the
passenger seat and moaning like a banshee. All in a day's work I
suppose. He must have known something was up though because he didn't
ask me which route I wanted to go. Nor did he ask where I was from and
when I said England, start discussing whether I watched the Premiership
and whether Arsenal should play a flat back four or go for a diamond
formation in midfield.
We
arrived at the hospital, Tania following shortly after. Rebecca was
demanding an epidural. I wasn't so sure this was a good idea. If she had
one now, then it was going to be in for a long, long time. I played
along. "Don't worry. The doctors and nurses can take the pain away. They
can give you an epidural. Don't worry."
They
put us straight into a delivery suite. Rebecca went onto the bed and the
nurse monitored the baby's heart. It was ok, thank God. Rebecca was
still adamant that she wanted an epidural.
Tania:
"You'll need an internal examination before you have an epidural."
Rebecca: "I only want an exam from Dr. Paul."
Tania:
"Dr. Paul won't be here for a little while, can you wait?"
Rebecca: "Yes, I only want an examination from Dr. Paul. Is he on his
way?"
Tania:
" Yes, he's on his way"
Rebecca: "Owwwwww, I want an epidural."
Tania:
"Do you want to let the nurse examine you, she's very good."
Rebecca: "I want Dr. Paul. Owwwww. The nurse can do it."
Nurse:
"I can't feel anything. I think you're fully dilated."
Rebecca: "I can't be"
Tania:
"Why not? Think about it, you've got all the classic signs."
Rebecca: "'Cos it doesn't say so in the books!"
Everyone laughed. Even I laughed. Maybe it was relief, maybe it was a
realisation that despite everything you are told about what to expect,
how ever many old wives want to tell you their tale, or friends who want
to offer their pearls of wisdom, you never know what to expect because
everyone's different. There's no right or wrong, good or bad, just
different. It's at times like these you realise that.
As it
turned out, Rebecca was fully dilated and couldn't have her epidural
even if she wanted it. She was told by the nurses to start pushing the
baby down, but was scared to because she didn't believe she was fully
dilated. Tania did an excellent job making her realise that she was
showing all the classic symptoms and it was very believable. Tania was
encouraging Rebecca to push the pain away as she was nearly there.
Afterwards, Rebecca told me how that phrase ‘push the pain away' were
the magic words and exactly what Rebecca needed to hear. She was scared
to push and scared that pushing would cause her more pain, but Tania's
presence and her words really encouraged her and gave her the confidence
to push.
Dr.
Paul turned up shortly after, looking more like a vet than a doctor,
with shining white Wellington boots. With Dr. Paul and Tania there, the
dream team was fully assembled and things started to move very quickly.
I
honestly can't work out how long the labour lasted. Afterwards, I
deduced it wasn't particularly long, but the windowless rooms in Thomson
remind me of what they say about the casinos in Las Vegas: They don't
have any natural light, so you don't know how long you've been gambling.
Maybe they use a similar theory at Thomson?
What I do remember was that some of the time Rebecca was on the birthing
stool, some of the time she was leaning up against me, some of the time
she was biting and scratching me. I can say hand on heart I was in
physical pain during Saffron's birth. The other bits I remember are when
the baby's head was crowning and Tania was encouraging her by saying
that she could see the baby's hair.
Rebecca was getting very tired and asked if she could stop for half an
hour to have a rest on the bed. Dr. Paul looked a bit sheepish, but said
yes. As she was walking over to the bed – Argggghhhh, wooshhhhh, wahhhhhh
– Saffron was being held by Dr. Paul. Quick as that. At least that's how
I remember it.
I held
the baby wrapped in a very medical green blanket and was asked if I
wanted to cut the cord. I declined. Rebecca and I had discussed it and
decided that unless it meant something to me there was no point. I was
holding my baby. I wasn't going to let go of her to cut the cord.
I was
talking to the baby as she was under a warming lamp and needed a bit of
suctioning. I don't really know what I said. "Hello, you're my baby, I'm
your daddy" or something along those lines.
Saffron meanwhile was calmly taking it all in, looking around with wide,
bright eyes as if to find out what all the fuss was about. Now I think
back, what was all the fuss about? The hard work hadn't even started!
Writing this story brings back some happy memories. I'm very grateful to
Tania for providing the emotional support for us both that allowed us to
enjoy the birth and remember it as a positive experience.
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