Joo Hymn found her labour quite painful, but
arrived at the hospital pushing, and her baby was born just minutes
later. Afterward, she struggled with breastfeeding for some time. In a
letter to her baby, Joo Hymn describes how proud she feels of the
strength she found within herself to cope with labour in the way she
wanted, and how glad she was that she persevered with breastfeeding.
Dear Rae Ning,
For weeks after your birth, I would lie in bed at night next to you,
your father Bapi having exiled himself to the futon on the floor,
marvelling at your perfection and reliving the entire labour and birth.
I would wax lyrical in my head about how wonderful everything was – this
despite being exhausted, frustrated, and/or in pain for most of the day.
It was only because everybody was telling me in no uncertain terms to
"REST!" that I did not head for the computer to write all my thoughts
down. You are now almost two months old, and I'm afraid this account
will not be as joyful as it would have been had I written it down then,
having since told your birth story so many times it has become more
mechanical.
You were born just past midnight Monday morning. On Saturday evening,
Bapi and I went swimming, and I swam twelve laps fairly fast (for a very
heavily pregnant woman!). I was craving sushi and we went to our
favourite Japanese restaurant after the swim. As I was experiencing very
mild contractions (which I told myself were only Braxton-Hicks or
practice contractions), we were joking all through dinner that after
such a delicious meal, you were sure to want to come out to savour the
tastes of this world!
Bapi and I had been very busy and stressed recently, but now we were
more relaxed than we'd been for a while, and in high spirits. After
dozing on and off, I realised at 4:00 a.m. that these weren't
Braxton-Hicks, they were the real thing! Very regular and increasing in
intensity. I woke Bapi up and told him and we were both so excited. I
tried to sleep but the pain was already jolting me awake at the peak of
every contraction.
Soon as the sun was up, we were out of bed, and I asked Bapi to take
photos of "you." I wanted "before and after" pictures! We ate breakfast
and I was still able to talk, drink, and eat through the contractions so
I knew there was still a long way to go. Soon as it was sociable, I
called Tania, our doula (having sms-ed the night before to say that I
had had a show) and she came over. She stayed with us for a while to get
a sense of how things were going, but eventually, Tania left, as we were
managing fine, and I went to lie down.
Hours passed and I sms-ed my friends. I had asked Aunties Vaani, Sabiha,
and Sharon to be my "god-sibs" but decided against asking them over as I
felt I needed to rest. I kept thinking that perhaps those twelve laps
weren't such a brilliant idea after all….
At about 4:00 p.m., the contractions were lasting 60 seconds and coming
every 4-5 minutes. When Tania called, I asked Bapi to ask her to come.
While waiting, I decided to stand up and walk around, and the
contractions slowed immediately. When Tania arrived, I was feeling
decidedly sheepish, the contractions lasting around 45 seconds or less,
with an interval of 8 minutes or more. Tania stayed for a while and left
again. Barely 5 minutes after she did, the contractions went back up
again to 60 seconds with an interval of 5 minutes!!! So, it is true then
that a stranger can slow labour down!
At around 8:00 p.m., I was moaning during every contraction, and decided
that I wanted Tania here whether it slowed the contractions down or not!
Grandma also dropped by before rushing off for an appointment and she
kept saying we should go to the hospital. Aunty Vaani also dropped by
with words of encouragement and vibuthi (holy ash from Sai Baba). And
soon afterwards, Grandpa brought dinner, and he also said we should be
going to the hospital.
After Grandpa left, I tried to eat some dinner, but was in too much pain
to stomach much. In fact, I had to stand up every few minutes when
contractions began. Afterwards, I didn't want to lie down any more and
was walking or bouncing on the yoga ball, leaning on Bapi and moaning
through every contraction. I had also started feeling quite nauseous and
was "glue-sniffing" peppermint oil. I decided that you must have already
turned into a good position and started taking homeopathics and flower
essence to speed labour up.
After a few more contractions, I asked Tania put the TENS machine on me
and I was feeling like I would probably like to go to the hospital very
soon so I could have some gas and air!! I had been really gung ho and
determined all through pregnancy to have a drug-free labour, though I
did allow myself to consider having gas and air (having already been
administered it once for my dislocated shoulder). At that point, I had
already been in pain for about 17 hours and I was getting very tired. I
asked Tania how far along she thought I was, and she said it appeared
that I might be in active labour. I decided I would wait. Amazingly, I
also remained very lucid in between contractions. Right after moaning
and rocking through a very painful contraction, I looked at Bapi and
asked shall we dance? Because of this, I kept thinking to myself I must
have quite a ways to go yet, I don't seem to have really lost myself in
labourland yet. I was also lucid enough to reply to all the sms-es I
received, though I wasn't really in the mood to be polite or chatty any
more, and so I just wrote one word, "PAIN," in caps.
After some time, and seemingly a lot of pacing, rocking, and moaning, I
again said that I would probably like to go to the hospital. Tania asked
if I would like her to call ahead to ask if Room 6 (with the bath) was
available. I decided that yes, I would like to go to the hospital in a
while. Tania excused herself for a bit to call the hospital to arrange
the room, and Bapi and I paced through a few more contractions. During
an apparent lull, Bapi said he was really tired and would like to lie
down for a bit, and I thought that sounded like a good idea and lay down
beside him.
Not my best idea, that. Being horizontal brought on what seemed like a
gazillion contractions back to back, with no break in between. I was
still valiantly moaning through the first minute or so, but I soon
crescendoed into full blooded screaming. Controlled guttural moaning
didn't cut it any more, I was in serious pain!! Bapi jumped out of bed
like a shot and Tania rushed back into the room. I had my eyes shut
tight and my mouth open wide in perpetual screams. I also felt an
overwhelming urge to push – it is true, I couldn't stop it even if I
tried, and when I did try, I was in even more agony. I was dimly aware
of a lot of movement, and then Bapi was by my side again coaxing me
gently to get some clothes on (I had reached the point of not giving a
hoot as to how I looked some time back). I continued screaming and said
I couldn't do it. He left the room and Tania came in. She waited until a
contraction had finished and said steadily, "OK, shorts on now." She
helped me into them. Tania reminded me to expect some contractions on
the way down to the car. Whenever I tell my friends your birth story,
they are all amazed that I actually made it down the stairs. There's
something irresistible about a very firm authoritative voice that cuts
through the labourland haze… Also, the moment I decided to trust that
voice and believe I could make it to the hospital before you came out,
my body automatically slowed labour down, and I did not experience a
single contraction as I was walking to the car. Once seated in the car,
it was a different matter. Poor Bapi was wedged between me and the car
seat as I refused to let go of his arm so he could get in the front
seat, and I screamed all the way to the hospital. I am very surprised
that Bapi could still hear properly after that journey!
Again, although the rest of me was doing its own thing (namely,
experiencing contractions and intense pain and screaming), in my head, I
was wondering what route Tania was taking to the hospital, and wondering
when did Singapore roads become so bumpy and windy – every sudden
movement was agony! When we arrived at Thomson Medical Centre and Tania
got out of the car, I found myself picturing the valet coming to take
over the car. Bapi was asking me gently to get out of the car – didn't
work! Then Tania came to work her magic again… "You are at the hospital
now, Joo Hymn, you can get out of the car when you are ready." I did and
heard someone saying something about me sitting in a wheelchair. I
refused flatly, insisting over and over again that I would walk. And I
did, with one hand gripping Bapi's arm for dear life, and the other
Tania's with equal force. I kept chanting "walk … walk … walk..." all
the way into the lift lobby, it was the only way to keep myself from
collapsing and screaming – my very own TENS machine so to speak! Even in
the lift lobby and in the lift itself, I had to walk, so I paced back
and forth in the very confined space.
Soon as we reached Room 6, and I must have been guided next to the bed,
I started screaming again full force. The contractions resumed and I let
rip. You know how neatly hospital beds are made up, and this one even
had all the gauze/tissue sheets on it in preparation for my arrival.
Well, I ripped everything off the bed in pain. The poor midwives had to
do a vaginal exam with me standing up because as Tania said, "I don't
think you are going to be able to get her on the bed." Do not argue with
a woman in labour, especially stage 2 labour!
Soon, the birth stool was wrestled out from under the sink and I was
seated on it. During a break in the contractions, I opened my eyes are
looked at Bapi and Tania and demanded to be given gas and air. In the
next instant, contractions started again and I shut my eyes real tight.
I remember telling Tania that I had to push and I couldn't sustain the
low moans any more, I just wanted to scream (not that I hadn't already
been screaming for the last 15 minutes or so!), and she said to just
trust my body and do whatever feels right. With each contraction, I
began pushing with all my might, relieved that I didn't have to hold it
in any more, and screamed. I opened my eyes in between contractions and
seeing Bapi and Tania gave me the confidence and calm to carry on. A few
contractions later, I heard Tania's voice again, telling me to look, as
I would be able to see the amniotic sac peeking out from my vagina. I
opened my eyes, and saw a silvery grey membrane in the mirror. It was
fascinating, and then another contraction started. During a very hard
push, I felt and heard the amniotic sac burst – sounded just like a
balloon, a very good quality thick balloon – and felt fluid squirt out.
I was told that my doctor, Paul Tseng, arrived at this point, and
quickly and calmly used his hands to guide you out. I was still pushing
mightily through every contraction and remember shouting crazily at one
point, "the baby's crowning," and "I don't want to tear!!"
A few more contractions later, I heard several people shouting at me to
stop pushing. I opened my eyes in surprise and was told by the midwife
(or was it Paul?) to breathe through the contractions so that you won't
come out too quickly. When that contraction passed, Paul told me to push
again so that you would be born with less force. So you were literally
born in between contractions. Soon as your head was out, I felt the rest
of you slither out very quickly. Bapi caught you and seconds later, I
was holding you in my arms. You were already all legs then! I then began
saying almost hysterically, "oh my god, I have a baby, I am a mummy!"
Bapi told me it's a girl and then had to check again to make sure; we
had been so certain for many months you were a boy! A few seconds later,
Paul clamped the umbilical cord, saying that it had stopped pulsating,
and Bapi cut the cord. A few moments after that, I felt very faint, and
turned to Bapi and told him that I was going to faint, and did. A
midwife quickly took you from my arms and I felt myself carried over
very quickly and smoothly onto the bed. An oxygen mask was put over my
face, and soon as I was able, I opened my eyes and grabbed Bapi's hand
and asked him to go over and carry you because I could hear you crying
and screaming. Tania then explained that Paul would like to give me a
jab of Syntometrine to hasten my uterus contracting and to stop the
haemorrhage, and I agreed. After the placenta was born (a very mild
contraction, a small push and it was out), I was given the shot and 3
stitches because I did tear.
I could see Bapi carrying you and singing to you while pacing up and
down the delivery ward and Tania was holding my hand and telling me what
a great job I did. Soon as I was cleaned up and more clear-headed, Bapi
brought you to me and you had your eyes wide open and were looking
around with great curiosity, you could even lift your head a little, and
I found myself thinking, you're a newborn?! I put you to my breast and
you began to suckle gently, but soon let go and were just nosing and
licking my nipple. With Bapi beside me, I felt such a sense of peace and
love.
When I tell your birth story to friends, sometimes someone will say, "oh
my God, you screamed?" And I answer, proudly, yes, I did scream like a
woman possessed, but hey, God gave me a body that is wise enough to
birth a child without medical intervention, pain to guide me to do the
right thing, and a voice to release the tension. Women have been told to
shut up and dumb down for too long and even told that to use our voices
in labour is unladylike and that we should use drugs to numb ourselves
out instead. I couldn't agree less. I had the most wondrous labour and
you were so awake and alert I just knew this was the right way for me. I
won't say I couldn't have done it without Bapi's loving support and
cheerleading and Tania's encouragement and confidence, but it would have
been much less enjoyable! Yes, enjoyable, and empowering… I am woman,
hear me roar!
Love, Mummy
Postscript
To first time mothers: breastfeeding can be a real pain (literally). I
found out that my daughter has a high-arch palate nearly two weeks after
her birth, which was why it was particularly painful for me (still isn't
pain-free even now actually), but from many of my friends' accounts, it
was really painful for them too in the first week. On the day Rae Ning
came back from hospital, she bawled the whole afternoon, and suckled for
over three hours with only very short breaks in between. I was in total
agony (people who say childbirth is unbearably painful have not
breastfed a high-arch palate baby!), and people around me kept telling
me that she was hungry and that I didn't have enough milk. I was ready
to implode! I sms-ed Tania for advice, and amongst several suggestions,
she offered to give me some of her expressed breast milk. Li Choong and
I were so very touched, and I was grateful beyond words. (I kept
thinking that first God gave me an angel for a daughter, and then put
all these adult angels in my path!) That gave my battered nipples a
break for the night, and I actually slept while my confinement lady
(thank God for her too!) spoon-fed Rae Ning the milk.
Breastfeeding remained painful and difficult, and I went to see Doris
Fok, lactation consultant extraordinaire, three times in less than a
month. She was excellent, giving us advice on the best possible latch,
explanations as to babies' suckling patterns (often for comfort not
hunger), and a lot of encouragement.
Around the sixth week Rae Ning seemed to suckle a lot more (growth
spurt, I hear some of you exclaim), and sometimes after she had been
suckling for a while, she would cry and fuss at the breast, as if I had
run out of milk. Then I again received all the comments about not having
enough milk, and this time I really panicked. I was also mega-depressed
as I was so determined to breastfeed. My own pain I can handle, but I
couldn't let my child go hungry if I really didn't have enough milk. I
had been eating confinement food, much of which is supposed to encourage
milk flow, so I really wondered what went wrong. I then decided to
increase the supply. Rae Ning almost never slept for very long during
the day, so I decided the best time to express milk would be at night.
And so I did. After every night feed, I would get up and hook up the
pump. I did this for a week, during which I was even more severely
sleep-deprived, and my breasts hurt like crazy (but I didn't really care
at that point! Funny how perspectives change!), but I did it. In two
weeks, I had stored five full feeds in the freezer, and Rae Ning stopped
fussing at the breast. When she did, I was still confident that I had
enough milk, it was just that she was impatient about the reduced flow.
Now, she sleeps a lot more during the day, and nurses less, and we've
reached a mutual understanding.
I am so so so glad I persevered despite pressure to resort to formula.
Now that I'm saner and more knowledgeable, I explain time and again the
mechanics of breastfeeding to those around me, who were all acting from
good intentions, just insufficient knowledge and understanding.
Breastfeeding seems to be so uncommon and so little understood, that I
often have to repeat myself. But hey, everybody's happy, including Rae
Ning, and I'm STILL breastfeeding!
Note: "Bapi" is Li Choong's name for himself, a cross between
"ba-ba," Chinese/Cantonese for father, and "Daddy." "Rae" means wise and
far-sighted, and "Ning" means peace/tranquillity.
What's going on
here?
It's not uncommon to have difficulties
breastfeeding
in the first few days after a baby's birth. Usually these challenges are
minor and are quickly resolved with knowledgeable guidance to position
the baby well at the breast, and with solid support.
Joo Hymn learned that her baby has a rare condition where the roof of
her mouth is highly arched. With a mouth shaped this way, the baby often
compresses the mother's nipple while feeding, and this can be painful
for the mother. After a few weeks as the baby grows, the arch flattens
and breastfeeding becomes easier again.
Joo Hymn and Rae Ning had a rare problem. If you experience difficulties
breastfeeding, chances are it's something easy to fix. Call one of our
breastfeeding counselors for a private breastfeeding consultation
in your home.
Click here for more details.
To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Tania at +65 9671-8428
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