Kerry and Thom travelled to Singapore from their
home in Indonesia to have their first baby. They liked the idea of
having someone familiar and experienced to be present at their birth in
a strange city where they knew practically no one, so they chose to have
a doula support them during pregnancy and birth. After a long and
challenging labour, and reaching the point where she was almost ready to
give up, Kerry sat in Thom's arms on a birth stool to give birth to
their baby girl.
We live in Jakarta, Indonesia, and decided to have our baby in Singapore
because the medical care is much better and because my husband Thom
wanted to spend as much time as possible with us – before and after the
delivery – and the frequency of flights from Jakarta to Singapore makes
this an easy commute.
I was due on November 4th and arrived in Singapore at the end of
September. Because I don't have any other children, I was able to
continue distance education program classes and also do some of my
consulting work from Indonesia. I had also met another mom in Jakarta
who was going to Singapore at about the same time as me, so I at least
knew one other person in the city.
But we were concerned about what might happen if I went into labour after
the last flight from Jakarta to Singapore left – how would Thom be there
to support me? And we had heard that Singapore doctors do not favor
natural births. How could we have our baby the way we wanted to?
About a month before going to Singapore, I searched "Singapore
hospitals" on the Internet and a website came up that offered – "Where
to have your baby in Singapore." Perfect! It was the ParentLink
website. I had never heard of a doula before, but the combination of a
person I knew, with a labour support person and advocate appealed to
me. Initially Thom was concerned that our doula would take over his role
in supporting me, but we decided to come and meet the ParentLink staff
before we made our final decision.
We also signed up to take as many of the pre-natal classes as we
could. We had taken classes offered in Jakarta, but the ParentLink
classes offered us a chance to meet other people and learn more about
ParentLink's thinking on natural delivery. We found the classes useful
and the repetition of information helped ease our minds. The classes
also introduced us to our doula, Nikki, who was pregnant herself, but
planned to help us deliver as her last delivery before her own. After
meeting Nikki and attending a class we felt at ease.
About one week before my due date, at about 6:00 p.m., I started having
contractions – or at least I thought I was having contractions, I mean –
how was I to know? I called our Nikki and she asked me how I was
feeling, how often I felt the contractions. She advised that yes they
probably were contractions, but until they got organized and started
coming regularly – rather than one every 10-20 minutes, then three in a
row, then none for 30 minutes – I probably wasn't in established labour
yet. Thom and I agonized about whether he should get on the last flight
or not and in the end decided that he should stay in Jakarta and we
would see what was happening in the morning. I went to bed and the
contractions went away.
A few days later in the afternoon, I left the apartment where I was
staying to go to the shops. I called the elevator and when it came – out
stepped Thom. "Hello beautiful," he said – as if this were the most
normal thing in the world for him to have flown in ahead of labour. He
had come to wait for the baby with me. It was one week before my due
date. I began to hope the baby would be on time.
On my due date itself, I was huge and restless. In the morning, Thom and
I strapped on our walking shoes and started on a marathon walk. Three
hours later, I had to stop about every 20 minutes and rest. I was pretty
sure I was in early labour – at least something was happening!
By five that evening we called Nikki. She listened to my description of
the contractions, which were still 20-30 minutes apart, but coming
fairly regularly. She advised us to try and get some rest. I ate a light
dinner and tried to get some sleep – but being awoken every 15-20
minutes was frustrating for me, and I was excited – the baby was
coming! Before we went to bed I lost the mucus plug and we knew things
were moving along. Thom helped me to get a few naps, but by 2 a.m. the
contractions were getting stronger and I couldn't sleep. Thom slept
while I watched late night TV. I had tried to read, but I had little
concentration for it.
By five Thom was up and I stood up to hug him and my water broke. It was
clear with white specks in it [the white specks were probably vernix,
the creamy substance that coats and protects the baby's skin in the womb
– it's normal for some to float off in the waters; when waters break
they should be clear or pale-straw coloured, but if they are greenish or
brownish or smell foul, this can be a sign of a problem and you may wish
to consult your doctor]. I went into the bathroom and let the fluid run
down my legs. I was amazed how much there was. We called Nikki again and
she asked how often the contractions were coming now: they were every
10-12 minutes at this point. She asked if we wanted her to come and we
both said yes.
Well, if I was amazed by the first gush of my waters, I would continue
to be amazed by how much fluid was still in there after the third and
fourth gush! Nikki arrived and watched my labour – which was starting to
become painful. Contractions were coming more quickly – every 4-5
minutes and lasting nearly a minute. We decided just before dawn to go
to Thomson Medical Centre.
In the parking lot I had 3 contractions and could barely make it to the
door. Nikki calmly said after the third contraction: "after this one,
let's try to make it as far as the door." It was this kind of calm
reassurance and guidance that helped us through the whole delivery.
When we got to the hospital, as we had been warned, the nurses wanted to
perform one vaginal exam. For some reason, this was incredibly painful
for me. Being on the bed at all felt wrong and uncomfortable. The
internal exam did not tell us much – 3 cms – but we didn't believe
it. After that, the nurses pretty much left us alone. It was about 7:00
a.m.
I was able to use the bath to relax and relieve some of the weight of
the pregnancy, but I spent most of the labour on my knees leaning forward
on a birthing ball. Throughout the morning the labour progressed
slowly. What had looked to be fairly far along at the beginning of the
morning was actually only the beginning. Nikki stepped out to pop home
and take a shower, check on her family, and get some food. When she
returned, mid-morning, Thom went out to get some food. By 9:00 a.m., I
was already having double-peaked contractions and feeling heavy pressure
on my cervix. I was much more comfortable bent forward than in any other
position.
Between 9:00 and 11:00 a.m., the contractions slowed down a bit, but
then came back with a vengeance. I had incredible pain in my lower back,
which continued to grow so that by 2:00 p.m., I had tried everything,
but the pain was intense. I was exhausted and on the edge of giving
up. I thought if the pain did not stop or if something didn't change I
would have to have an epidural. I just couldn't do it anymore. I had
resisted any further vaginal exams after the one when we first arrived
in hospital, but at Nikki's suggestion, we called our doctor Paul
Tseng. He did an exam while I was still on all fours and said, "You are
fully dilated – just push."
Most women say they get an uncontrollable urge to push. I didn't. When
he said I could push, I didn't have the faintest idea how to
start. Luckily Thom and Nikki were able to coach me through it, and help
me through.
I used the birthing stool because this felt like the most natural
position to me and I wanted to use gravity to my advantage. Thom was
behind me, supporting me, and Nikki was in front, keeping an eye out for
the baby. After about an hour of pushing, we had a view of the baby's
head. And then everything happened so quickly. They called Paul, but
this baby who had taken over 24 hours to appear decided not a wait a
second longer. Nikki said to Thom, "if you are going to catch this baby,
you had better come now," but I couldn't imagine him not supporting me
and cried – "Nooooo!!!." As the head came through, I felt a slight
burning sensation, which was a small tear, but the head was out. With
the next contraction, her shoulder was delivered and then with the next
contraction, the whole baby – in one last push. Nikki and Nurse Siong
handed the baby to me. Evidently I said – "Oh yeah – that's what I am
doing here – a baby." In the last 30 minutes of labour, I had separated
myself from the events so much that I forgot what I was even doing
there!
Then someone asked – what is it?
A girl!!! Thom and I were so surprised. Every Chinese person we had met
for the last two months had pointed towards my stomach sticking straight
out and authoritatively announced: "Boy!" We had begun to believe it –
but we were all wrong. We had a beautiful daughter, Mia Indah, born at
15:20, weighing 4.22 kgs.
Paul came in and prepared the cord for Thom to cut. I held Mia and
nursed her while waiting to deliver the placenta, which happened easily
with a small push.
I had a small first-degree tear that required a few stitches, but
otherwise we had a natural delivery. Nikki helped to clean me up and
organized someone to bring me the best cup of tea I have had in my whole
life. She helped Mia to get onto my breast again (she didn't need much
help – she was a natural), and left us in our bliss.
We couldn't have been happier with the delivery and our new daughter. We
spent the night at the hospital that night and left early the next
morning after receiving excellent support from the staff.
What's going on
here?
If your family is far away, you can feel
isolated and alone when there is a baby on the way. All the more so if,
like Kerry and Thom, you are travelling to Singapore temporarily from
elsewhere in the region solely to give birth. The support of a labour
supporter (doula) may help you feel connected and cared for when
home is far away. If you'd like to learn more about how a doula could
help you and your partner,
click here for details.
Kerry mentions making it a priority to take ParentLink's childbirth
classes, even though she and Thom had done some classes in their home
city of Jakarta. Kerry appreciated the chance to meet other expectant
parents who were going through the same things she was, and to consider
new perspectives on approaches to pregnancy and birth. In ParentLink
classes, you'll have the chance to examine issues from all sides
and talk things over in lively discussions that help you come to your
own decision on what's right for you.
Kerry talks about sitting on a birth stool with Thom behind her as she
gave birth to Mia. She learned in classes about the benefits of upright
positioning in making birth easier, and with the support of her husband
and doula, she was able to put that knowledge into action. For details
on ParentLink childbirth classes, and how they can make a
difference for your birth,
click here.
To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Diann at +65
6536-4626
oremail us
