Liliana's second birth was a rollercoaster of
emotion. Here, in a letter to her doula, she
describes it beautifully - an empowering and intense experience.
Dearest Nikki,
I am not sure I can find the right words to thank you so I decided to
write up a short recount of my experience. I do hope you'll enjoy
reading it as much as I loved writing it.
After the negative experience of my first pregnancy and delivery I was
determined that it would be different the second time around I did not
know what I could do exactly but I knew I wanted to be more in control,
more informed I wanted to try to have a natural birth and to not feel as
if I was sick for nine months and then having to have an operation at
the end of it.
One day a very pregnant friend of mine, who had had a first birth
experience very similar to mine, told me about "doulas" She was about to
change her doctor so that she could have one who was willing to work
with a doula. I was intrigued and amazed that she would even consider
changing her doctor right at the end!
I went home and logged in your website: I was so pleased, I could not
believe that this kind of help was available in Singapore. My friend had
her baby a few days later and I could not wait to hear all about the
delivery. She was so happy and positive about the whole experience! "I
am going to have a doula too" I thought.
Now I just needed to get pregnant. That happened a month later and as
soon as I found out I tried to get in touch with you, but you were
actually in Australia at the time and I think I must have left so many
messages that you called me up. This must have been the beginning of my
hassling!!
I went to see three different doctors in the next few days so I could
find one who would be happy with me having the help of a doula. I found
a female doctor who seemed to be very open and willing to meet my needs!
I was so excited; I was already more in charge! I was only hoping to be
able to convince Ian who was a little bit concerned of losing his role.
Finally the day came when we met you and the husband was convinced! I
knew that I had to convince you to be my doula.
Luckily my pregnancy was pretty uneventful, I never managed to come to
your coffee mornings, and we saw each other at one more meeting and
during the active birth class. Again both Ian and I were very impressed
by how professionally these were run.
I was in the last weeks of my pregnancy when I started to become a
nuisance to you. [Many women worry about this – one of the benefits to
having a doula is to have a resource who can help answer many of your
questions and guide you through the myriad of choices available.] So
many false alarms, the fact that I heard you so many times saying that a
second baby can be very fast and my total inexperience made me panic.
The very fact that I could call any time and you never sounded annoyed
and gave me great calm advice was so helpful that I kept on calling you!
I did not know what to expect exactly, how I was going to react to pain
but I always knew that with your help I would have been able to face any
situation.
The day finally came.
Dedicated to Nikki without whom this whole experience would not have
been the same and to my wonderful husband whose love and support are
immense.
TUESDAY, 5 JUNE 2001
6.30 am - My parents have just arrived at Changi airport, I have
arranged for a taxi to pick them up just in case I did not happen to be
around. Had several mild contractions during the night. Did not call
Nikki! I call the taxi to make sure they are in it (they don't speak a
word of English). They are on it! The taxi driver passes the phone to my
father who before saying hello says "So you couldn't come to pick us up
and nor could Ian?" Thank you for stating the obvious. I am tempted to
ask the guy to turn the car back and put my parents on the next flight
to Rome.
12.00 - My mum and I pick up James Giulio from play school. He's so
excited to have his "nonna" here. We go to the supermarket to do some
shopping. I feel a little bit strange; I have a lot of lower backache
similar to the pre period pain. Oh well, I'll ignore it, it must be
because I am so big! Let's go home and have lunch. It's so strange to be
sitting here with my parents...hum...now I feel as if I had my period.
2.00 pm - I go to the bathroom: I have a bloody
show; finally I can call Nikki and tell her about something factual!
Nikki: "Good, it doesn't mean you're going to have the baby today. Don't
get Ian to rush home. Get some rest, sleep" Sleep, rest, what is she
talking about I am so excited, I am walking up and down, thinking oh yes
this is it I am in labour, it can't be another false alarm!! I call Ian.
4.00 pm - Ian is not busy in the office and decides to come home, I am
in my bedroom, the contractions haven't stopped Ian takes care of James
Giulio and I spend some time with my mum who thinks I should go to
hospital. "Don't worry mum, I really do not want to go too early, what
about a pedicure?" Nice, very nice. Oops it's 5 0 'clock and I haven't
got any rest yet. OK I'll have a nice bath now, let's get some candles
and relax. That was nice, what now? I can't sleep, I am so restless, and
I know I will need a lot of energy later on, but no I just can't!
6.00 pm - I call Nikki. Nikki: "Tell me when you want me to come
around." "Now, please come now," I think. OK I'll be reasonable. "I am
going to try to have some dinner and then we'll talk again." I decide to
say. The pain is still bearable but during the contraction I like to
complain a little bit! I eat a bowl of muesli and have a carrot and
apple juice.
7.00 pm - The contractions are getting stronger, I have to stop and
concentrate on some of them Ian needs to put James
Giulio in bed. My mum is worried that I am still at home. I ask
Ian to call Nikki and ask her to come.
8.00 pm - Nikki is here, I am happier now that she is with me! The work
has officially started. We are up in my bedroom and we talk and laugh
between contractions. James Giulio meets Nikki
and says: "Are you going to help my mamma to have the baby?"
9.00 pm - Nikki suggests it might be time we went to hospital especially
if I want to spend some time in the bath. OK, we are off "Ciao mamma".
Oh no, I really hate being trapped in the car with contractions. Here we
are at the labour ward a nurse greets us and asks Nikki: "can you guess
how far she is? Here we go it is time to check the baby's heart beat and
for a vaginal examination. OK I'll lie on the bed if I really must...
The nurse: "Do you want to know how dilated you are?" What is she
smirking about, tell me "Three centimetres!" Three? Oh my God, I have
let everyone down, I'm never going to make it, that is what they are
thinking, isn't it? I am feeling very disheartened, I am trying hard not
to cry but I really would like to. Nikki leaves to give us some time to
get comfortable in the room. The baby is fine - I am off the monitor,
let's try the bath, it's nice and warm and smells beautiful. The room is
very nice: dim lights, music on, pictures of James Giulio by the bed
it's only me and Ian... not for long here is a nurse who wants to check
the baby's heart beat again. The contractions have lost their power I
feel so low. Had enough of water, strange I thought I would really love
to be in the water. Doctor Jacob appears. She is so sweet and warm.
"Liliana you must get some rest, why don't you go up to the ward and
sleep"? God everyone is thinking l am a long time away from delivering
and that I must have made a lot of fuss over nothing. Another
checking... why they don't leave me alone!! Dr Jacob leaves. I am lying
down I must get some rest, everyone thinks so! Ops a stronger
contraction and I am stuck in bed! Damn Ian, help me to get up... I am
up, this one is ...I want Nikki, please Ian call her now!!
11.00 pm - These ones are definitely "good ones", do I dare say
anything? No time to rest between them. How on earth am I going to
survive through this if it lasts for hours? Thank God Nikki is here.
Sorry Ian, you are the one who has to be here, get abused and get no
recognition. Nikki knows how to massage my back, how to speak only a few
words in a soft, calm and warm voice. She is a woman, a mother an
experienced doula and I guess that does it!
I hate having the nurses around me, I am sure they are nice enough but I
can't stand them. Nikki convinces me to go to the bathroom, oh no,
another contraction, Ian and Nikki fly in, it's gone. Oh I am going to
throw up... do I remember correct, is this a good sign?? Back in the
room I am holding on to the bed, there is no way I can sit down or even
worse lie down. I just can't physically bear a contraction in any other
position but on my feet and there's no enough time between them for me
to get up. Nikki thinks that I will be exhausted if I don't get some
rest between contractions, she wants me to try and find a position that
I can rest a little in.
I don't think I am going to make through it, "aiuto mamma, mamma, mamma,
mamma." Please help me guys I can't bear this, I want to go home, I want
this to stop, I don't want anymore babies." "Aiuto mamma"
Nikki comes up with the idea of going on all fours on the bed holding on
to the ball. I don't really want to, I just want to stay put. [This was
suggested to help slow down the last part of Liliana's labour which was
now progressing very quickly.] Oh all right I'll do it... Wait...
another one...oh my word this one is so powerful... I need to push...
surely not... ...what a laugh it must be motion….but I do need to push…
I am pushing...oh my water just broke …. a nurse wants me to lie in bed
so she can check me. No way! The mattress is thrown on the floor. I
literally throw myself on it on all fours... I get checked..... Don't
really know what they are saying to me..... I have to push.
The urge is tremendous, so forceful it's like a big wave and I have to
go with it. I feel that I am finally doing something for this baby to be
born. I am pushing it out! Mirror? What mirror, never mind I don't need
one to see the baby I can feel it with every push. It's amazing, it's
just amazing. It's really happening. Oh wow here we go another
push... you see Ian I knew the time would come when I had to hold on to
you….another one …. and a bigger one….and... ..the baby is out! I can't
believe it!
I am ecstatic! It's a little baby boy..... This is so unreal….I feel so
well, he's so beautiful my little darling. Doctor Jacob didn't make if?
Really? I had no idea! What a shame!
It's the 6th of June, nineteen minutes after midnight I am lying on the
hospital floor, I have just given birth to the most beautiful little
baby boy. It's hard to believe it but it had happened, just the way I
wanted it! I love him to pieces. I feel so happy, what a wonderful,
unforgettable, incredible experience!
Thank you Nikki, you were just wonderful. We have decided to call the
baby Tomasso and if you Nikki don't mind his middle name will be Samuel
as he shares your son Samuel's birthday. We'll never forget you!
Ian, darling, thank you for believing in me and supporting me in all my
"weird" decisions. We have two wonderful boys and even if it's hard work
in no time we'll find ourselves looking back and hoping the time hadn't
passed so quickly.
What's going on
here?
Liliana writes so vividly about her emotional ups
and downs during pregnancy and birth. She is certainly not alone --
many women have all kinds of questions going through their minds: how
will I know when labour is starting? What if I find I have a "false
alarm"? Will labour be quick or gradual? How will I cope?
Fathers too have their own perspective: they wonder how they will juggle
all their own uncertainties with being able to support their partner.
A labour supporter (doula) offers calm reassurance, plenty of
tips for coping with labour, and support for dads so that they are able
to focus on their partner while feeling relieved to have someone to
answer their own questions and help them understand what's happening at
each stage. As Liliana and Ian discovered, even with a second baby, this
support is lovely! If you'd like to learn more about how a doula could
help you and your partner,
click here
for details.
To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Diann at +65
6536-4626
oremail us
