Birth Stories

Mary, Dan, and baby Zena

Mary and Dan planned a homebirth for the birth of their second baby, but many of the things on Mary's mind were things that most women think about, no matter where they plan to give birth! After several hours of early labour, Mary's labour intensified quickly and she gave birth to a second daughter with the support of her husband, two doulas, and her obstetrician.

I had wanted a homebirth since I heard about a friend of the family's having had one in New Zealand (my home country). It seemed to me such a perfect setting for something so intimate, transitional and special. Of course, I was not going to do this without proper research, so I made sure I read as many homebirth books as I could get hold of. I talked to health professionals and friends here in Singapore who had homebirths themselves. They were encouraging and positive and I learned many things I assumed were untrue before I talked to them.

We had had a doula for our first birth (in hospital) and had no doubt that we wanted the same positive encouragement for the second. Our obstetrician agreed to support our choice for a homebirth and we arranged a back-up doctor in the event our regular obstetrician could not make it.

I was feeling rather big and also apprehensive that the due date had passed. Not because I was worried that nature wasn't going to take care of me, but because I needed to get a passport issued before our scheduled Christmas trip! Usually, I was told, the second baby follows the first baby's gestation period, which for my first daughter was 40 weeks, but I wasn't going to induce for administrative reasons as it went against my principles. I would just have to be patient!

I had been at the Shophouse Fair on the day labour started and had met some friends there. It was a particularly hot day and as I made my way home cursing the inconvenience of the system, I finally felt a niggle. I assumed it was "false" labour, but hoped it was the real thing.

Later the niggles were every 10 minutes, very fleeting and painless. That night I couldn't sleep as the feelings, although not painful, were enough to prevent me from sleeping.

The next morning, I told Dan and he decided to take the day off convinced that it was time – and he also wanted a good excuse to get away from work, I suspect.

While he took our daughter, Rosy, to school, I got busy setting up the birthing room, deciding on music, preparing the bedding, putting down mats, setting up the cameras, ensuring that the hospital kit was accessible, and so on.

I managed to eat breakfast and decided to watch some comedy to relax. While viewing, I found myself changing positions a lot and when I could no longer concentrate, I called my doula, Tania. She said to call back if there were any more signs. A little later, I saw that there was a small amount of show and decided to call Tania back. She thought it was a good sign and decided to alert Dr. Paul. I was to call back if there was anything else. At this time the contractions were lasting 10-20 seconds every 10 minutes or so, but they felt more intense than they had been during the night.

Dan went to pick up Rosy and they went to the supermarket to stock up on good food. We had a delicious lunch, but I could no longer focus on normal chit-chat and thought it best if I went upstairs.

Taking a note out of the hypnobirthing school of thought, I played some soft, soothing music (I found Enya to be best), cooled the room down on the lowest aircon setting, and started repeating positive affirmations whenever a contraction came along. I would walk slowly around hugging a heatpack against the lower part of my belly stating a simple "I am opening up" and visualizing my cervix. I saw it as a dark-coloured cylindrical shape with a hole at one end that, as it dilated, allowed the white light within to shine out. This dulled the physical sensations somewhat and outtalked the voice in my head that was trying to tell me that labour was extremely painful.

Now the contractions were lasting about 30 seconds and about 4-5 minutes apart. Standing up and swaying gently was still the easiest position. Dan and Rosy were downstairs and would come in from time to time to say hi and take a few pictures. We left a message for some relatives to let them know we were in labour.

At about 3:40 p.m., Tania called and I told her that things were not really heating up significantly. She queried whether or not it may be due to the doulas not being there yet – she wondered if I was "waiting" for them before labour got going. The thought had crossed my mind, so she suggested she and our other doula, Nikki, could come over in about 20 minutes and if things didn't progress it was no trouble to leave again.

After I hung up, the contractions very suddenly increased in length to 90 seconds and to about 3 minutes apart. It was like I had been mentally holding it off all along until my sister support was there! I was in awe of the power of mind relating to labour.

Tania and Nikki arrived and it was wonderful to see them. It was special to see Nikki again, who had helped us with labour when Rosy was born.

They set to work by filling the pool with water. I was getting much longer contractions – labour was most definitely active. I spent most of the time in the bathroom leaning over the sink while Tania massaged my sides and gave me much encouragement by letting me know that I was progressing well, that my baby was now very low. To me, this meant that the pain was getting me somewhere and that it was worth it.

By now, I had more show. The bath was ready and I stepped in, removing all clothing. I felt a large contraction immediately and leaned over the side. The water soothed my belly as things got more intense. I was starting to really make some noise and felt something give. My waters had broken! Unbeknownst to me, Dr. Paul had been called and was on his way.

Dan came in and we spent some time alone getting through a few more contractions. When Tania and Nikki came back in the room, I heard that Dr. Paul was about to arrive. At that point I had a very intense contraction and wanted to push. Was this again my subconscious mind telling me to deliver?

Dr. Paul arrived and observed me for a bit before asking me where I was going to deliver – in the pool? I decided to get out and position myself in a standing position at the end of the bed as I felt a bit hot and felt more secure with solid ground under my feet. Tania had also asked me now and again if I had wanted Rosy to be present to witness the birth to which I gave an emphatic "no!". I had weighed this option up before labour, having prepared Rosy well and it seemed romantic at the time. I know that some kids are great with labour, but I felt that Rosy (aged 3), who is very sensitive, would be a variable I was not willing to risk coping with.

From this point on, labour was intense, but very positive. I simply gave it all I had. Dan decided to

be next to me rather that at the delivery point and held me in his arms, whispering encouragement in my ear. Nikki was taking photos and Tania had the video. They were all very positive and I really needed this constant feedback to know I was progressing.

I remember asking a few times if I was dilated enough – I think this was programmed into me somehow. As soon as Dr. Paul confirmed so, I pushed very hard. From the time, I stood ready at the bad, it took 7 very long pushes (I only know this from watching the video later).

I reached down and felt the hair on baby's head. I remember when the head came out and it was very quick after that. She was born! Dr. Paul caught her in one swift movement and passed her through my legs. I looked down and there she was at 5:27 p.m., 15 minutes after Dr. Paul had arrived, one and a half hours after Tania and Nikki had arrived. She let out a large cry as if to say "I'm here and alive!". We wrapped her up and stared at her in awe. It was incredible.

Rosy came up for a peek and was amazed to see her. While she went back downstairs to get the party things ready, I sat back in bed for the 3rd stage (birth of the placenta) after the cord had stopped pulsating. Our darling baby girl had pinked up a lot and was crawling up my belly. She had a very strong neck and was trying to latch. I helped her and she got off to a great start.

Nikki made me a cup of tea, while she, Tania, and I were chatting excitedly about the whole day. Dr. Paul bid us adieu.

We all gathered downstairs. Big sister Rosy had balloons, champagne, chocolate, and presents all ready. The atmosphere was brilliant.

After Tania and Nikki left, Dan and Rosy took champagne outside and offered anyone they saw a glass. It was Friday night after all.

Dan and I could not have asked for a more perfect day.

What's going on here?

Many women worry, as Mary did, about so-called "false" labour. Actually, there is no such thing as "false" labour and it certainly doesn't feel "false" to the woman having it! What is usually meant by this unfortunate term is that the birth is not imminent. Labour is actually an extension of months of preparation of a woman's body. It's not an event that happens in the blink of an eye. Many women experience contractions that might stop and start before labour gets into the "higher gear" leading directly to birth. This is normal! In ParentLink's childbirth classes, you'll learn more about why labour oftentimes starts and stops like this, as well as practical ways to cope while remaining energized and confident. Click here for more details about classes.

Mary and Dan chose to have their baby at home because as Mary says in her story, she felt it was the right place for an event so special. What's the right place for you? Home? Hospital? Which hospital? Each hospital is very different and has a different approach to how they support new parents. At a birth plan consultation, you have the chance to talk over your needs and priorities with a professional birth supporter (doula) who can provide the insider knowledge to help you choose what's right for your individual needs. Click here for details on birth plan consultations.

If you are interested in homebirth, click here to read more about homebirth in Singapore.

To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Diann at +65 6536-4626 oremail us