Meghan found that after
having had one baby already, she had a clearer sense of what she wanted
to focus on with the birth of her second child. She planned a second
homebirth, this time in Singapore, but found that birth always holds
surprises, even for the experienced! An unexpected development just at
the time her baby was due had Meghan's head spinning as she also
realized her toddler wasn't going to be "the baby" anymore! Meghan and
Mark's careful planning, and the care they took to surround themselves
with solid support, meant that they were able to cope with those
swirling emotions in an atmosphere of safety and security.
My first son was born at home in London. Charlie
was caught by my husband, who also cut the cord, put on his first nappy,
tucked us both up in bed, and then cleaned the whole house, and all
after a 24-hour labour of being my constant
support, and pandering to my every whim. As I
lay in the comfort of my own bed, gazing at the wonder of my new baby
boy, kissing his toes and fingers, watching the rise and fall of my
exhausted husband's chest, and listening to the muffled sounds of the
night, I almost had to pinch myself to prove that I wasn't dreaming.
It would be no great surprise then that when I found out I was pregnant
again, shortly after arriving in Singapore, I immediately began to plan
a home birth. I made some casual enquiries amongst the
mums I barely knew at the couple of playgroups
we had joined. After months of sifting through much misinformation, and
generally discouraging advice, I breathed a sigh of relief when greeted
by the relaxed manner and accommodating style of Dr. Paul Tseng at
Thomson Medical Centre. Dr. Tseng listened
attentively to my plans for a natural pregnancy and birth and, despite
the fact that he had yet to agree outright, I knew by the time that I
walked back out of his office that I would again give birth at home. To
be honest, despite feeling frustrated and disheartened at times at the
lack of accurate information in the public domain about home birth in
Singapore, the thought of giving birth anywhere else other than in my
own home hadn't occurred to me.
Dr. Tseng was referred to me by ParentLink.
Tania and Sandy had outlined all the available
options in Singapore with regards to natural birth and home birth. They
provided me with accurate information and were available to personally
answer every question I had. Shortly after my visit to Dr.
Tseng, and after an initial informal chat with Tania over a banana
smoothie, I engaged two doulas from ParentLink. Again, their approach
was just what I was looking for. They would support me in whatever way I
needed, no more – no less. Fantastic!! I now felt secure in the
knowledge that, along with my husband, I had a great support crew and
total ownership over my pregnancy and birth. With all of the logistics
taken care of, I threw myself into the business of enjoying the rest of
my pregnancy and planning the more intimate details of my home birth.
The great thing about giving birth the second time round is the benefit
of experience. There were aspects of my first birth that I wanted to
concentrate more on second time round. I wanted to focus more on my
breathing and to relax fully into the sensation of each contraction. I
also wanted to breathe my baby out and give my perineum plenty of time
to stretch. I was also more specific about what I needed from my husband
and knew exactly where and how I wanted to be touched and massaged and
supported. As the birth neared, I felt organized and dare I say it, a
bit like an old hand at this birthing business. What I hadn't planned
for was the fact that each birth comes with its own set of variables!
I waddled into my son's pediatrician's rooms in full overdue glory at 40
weeks + 3 days overdue. She diagnosed Hand-Foot-and-Mouth
disease. When I asked about the implication of HFM with a newborn
she gently advised that it could be a bit tougher on a baby and that it
would be best to keep baby and brother apart while
Charlie was infectious (another 7 days). Bloody hell! I was
upset. Upset that Charlie had HFM, upset that
I now could not send him to my neighbour's house to sleep over with his
buddy during the birth and that I would have to make alternative
arrangements. I was very upset at the prospect of having to keep the
baby and Charlie apart after the many, many
hours I had spent reading, discussing, and
pondering the best ways to develop the sibling bond
... none of which involved separation. My meticulous planning was
unraveling. But, most of all, I was upset at being so upset. Damn
hormones!!
I texted Tania and she rang me straight away. "It is highly possible
that your body will hold onto the baby until Charlie
is no longer infectious," she ventured. Of
course, I thought, as soon as she said it
– that makes perfect sense. My body
would wait until I knew there was no threat to my baby and until my
birthing environment was safe and secure again. And that is exactly what
happened. Eight days later I went into labour. After a morning of
twinges and sporadic contractions I knew by lunchtime that I was in
early labour. My husband was already on leave so we spent a wonderfully
distracting afternoon with Charlie. We had an
afternoon coffee and cake at Starbucks and an hour in the pool and then
headed home for dinner about 5:30
p.m. After a 19-hour
first stage with my first birth I thought I
still had plenty of time up my sleeve but things were about to
accelerate and take me by surprise.
As soon as the sun started to wane at about 6:15
p.m. I hit
active labour. Charlie was still stomping
around the house, as toddlers do, trying every trick he could to draw
his mommy out of the bedroom. My body was forcefully pulling me inwards,
demanding the focus and single-mindedness needed to birth my new baby. I
was overwhelmed. I felt torn between the baby stomping around the house
and the baby that wanted to be born. My contractions had just doubled in
strength, I was on my own in the bedroom and I felt like I was losing
control. I made a call to Tania and she immediately picked up on my
sense of panic. She talked me through a couple of contractions and
calmed me down. Both she and Claire, my backup
doula, would leave straight away and be with me within
20 minutes. By the time I hung up I was back in control. I knew that the
time had come to say goodbye to Charlie. I
could hold onto him no longer. His father was ordered to pack him up and
ship him out - NOW! Five minutes later I almost smothered
Charlie in a huge hug and trying to fight back
the tears I stood at the door and
waved goodbye. I only had the luxury of two minutes to grieve before I
was firmly reminded by my next contraction that I had to refocus and
birth another sweet baby into the world.
I got into the pool at about 7:30
p.m. after a
nice long relaxing shower. My labour progressed very smoothly and I felt
totally relaxed and serene throughout. I asked that Dr. Tseng be
notified shortly after I started to feel the urge to push. When he
arrived he was more than happy to sit in the background and let nature
take its course. I gripped Tania's fingers and breathed
Ben into his father's hands at 11:03
p.m. (my
husband: banker by day, baby-catcher by
night!). Ben weighed in at a very healthy 4.5
kg and my perineum [area of skin and muscle
around the birth opening] remained intact!
After everyone had gone, and after the best
cup of tea and slices of toast I have every tasted in my life, I again
snuggled down into my own bed, to gaze at the wonder of my beautiful new
baby boy, to kiss his toes and fingers and
watch the rise and fall of my exhausted husband's chest. I lay listening
to the muffled sounds of a hot and humid night in Singapore and thanked
the stars for the gift of another perfect baby and beautiful birth.
What's going on
here?
Having a second baby is a joyous time for most families, but there can
also be a bittersweet element when parents realize that their first
"baby" is not going to be the baby anymore. That's all part of
growing up, for the children as well as for the mothers and fathers who
are moving forward in their own lives as parents. It can help to talk
about your feelings, and even shed a tear if you need to, with those who
are understanding and supportive of this change in your lives.
Meghan wryly recalls she was in "full overdue glory" at 40 weeks plus 3
days. Despite her humour, Meghan's words reveal that she fully expected
her baby to be born by its due date, or perhaps just a few days after.
Due dates, however, are just guidelines at best. Babies are "full term"
anywhere from 37 to 42 completed weeks of pregnancy. Only
after 42 weeks – 14 days after the due
date! – is a woman "overdue" by
medical standards. And in fact, most first babies arrive 5-8 days past
the "due date." Makes you wonder why the due date is "set" well before
the average baby arrives, then, doesn't it!
If you'd like to talk to other parents who are grappling with these
sorts of issues – when is a baby "late"? Is
it normal to feel a bit sad that my older child isn't a "baby" anymore?
Is it normal to feel glad he's not a baby anymore?
– then come to a
ParentLink coffee morning and connect
with others who are going through the same things you are.
Meghan and Mark had their first baby at
home in London, and having enjoyed that experience, wanted a homebirth
again for their second baby, this time in Singapore. What's the right
place for you? Home? Hospital? Which hospital? Each hospital is very
different and has a different approach to how they support new parents.
At a birth plan consultation, you have the chance to talk over
your needs and priorities with a professional birth supporter (doula)
who can provide the insider knowledge to help you choose what's right
for your individual needs.
Click here for details on birth plan
consultations.
To talk over your particular needs or concerns, you can:
call Diann at +65
6536-4626
oremail us
Dr. Tseng was referred to me by ParentLink.
Tania and Sandy had outlined all the available
options in Singapore with regards to natural birth and home birth. They
provided me with accurate information and were available to personally
answer every question I had. Shortly after my visit to Dr.
Tseng, and after an initial informal chat with Tania over a banana
smoothie, I engaged two doulas from ParentLink. Again, their approach
was just what I was looking for. They would support me in whatever way I
needed, no more – no less. Fantastic!! I now felt secure in the
knowledge that, along with my husband, I had a great support crew and
total ownership over my pregnancy and birth. With all of the logistics
taken care of, I threw myself into the business of enjoying the rest of
my pregnancy and planning the more intimate details of my home birth.
I got into the pool at about 7:30
p.m. after a
nice long relaxing shower. My labour progressed very smoothly and I felt
totally relaxed and serene throughout. I asked that Dr. Tseng be
notified shortly after I started to feel the urge to push. When he
arrived he was more than happy to sit in the background and let nature
take its course. I gripped Tania's fingers and breathed
Ben into his father's hands at 11:03
p.m. (my
husband: banker by day, baby-catcher by
night!). Ben weighed in at a very healthy 4.5
kg and my perineum [area of skin and muscle
around the birth opening] remained intact! 
